The Train is Moving

and picking up speed

1276 days or 182 weeks or 41.75 months * (rounding up to 42 - cause I can) is the amount of time Barry and I have been living as a geographical bachelor/bachelorette since March 1, 2021. That was the day I moved to NC. Whenever I talk or write about the move, I remember how it’s tangled in the knot of my brother Mike’s death. I can’t talk about the physical separation Barry and I have had without mentioning what brought us here. It’s not possible to even consider it. As time goes on I will keep untangling it and rearranging how I think about it. I’m still looking for peace.
Mike’s suicide changed everyone’s life.
It was what brought us home.
But there are a hundred other reasons for loving where we are and where we are headed. Family. Friends. Home.

The train is moving. It does not matter that it’s been moving at the pace of a wagon train. What matters most is it is moving.

The Greensboro Airport and Delta Airlines had starring roles in keeping the Brandstetters together as much as possible. Considering he came home twice a month (on average) that would be 84 trips home which would equal approximately 168 flights (from Omaha to Atlanta and Atlanta to Greensboro.) And then 168 flights back to Omaha. That’s 336 flights in 42 months (and closer to 500 flights or more if you include trips for work). I drove to the airport 168 times to pick up or drop him off. Barry has flown a lot. He’s fixing to drop from Delta’s Diamond status to Aluminum. And we are fine with that.

An accurate estimate of the number of phone calls is not possible. We usually spoke twice a day - sometimes more, doing our best to stay as connected as possible. Some days it didn’t feel like we were very connected. But that never lasted long. We’d text each other photos of the yard, sunrises and sunsets, goats, friends, neighbors, hikes, my office in the Omaha house, the porch. We created playlists and listened to them on Sundays - together but separated by 1100 miles.

Notes! So many notes. Whenever he went back to Omaha I’d tuck a note into his suitcase or his backpack. He’d always leave one on the whiteboard in my bathroom. I have found his notes in the coffee pot, in the goat treat bucket, on mirrors, and in my underwear drawer. Sometimes his notes were sweet and encouraging. Often they’d say, "you smell like a goat" which translates to "I love you so so so so so so much."

As difficult as these past 1276 days have been, we have experienced a significant amount of help from friends and family here and there. Gotta give a shout out to our dear friends and next door neighbors in Omaha. They were instrumental in getting us over this finish line. Shoveling snow, bringing in our trash can every Wednesday night, MOWING our yard! They took the worry away. And they are absolute sweethearts. Anytime we called with a request, they took care of it. We have awesome memories of evenings on their patio. There was an abundance of exceptional conversation and first class cocktails! We are hoping they’ll move with us. Such fine people.

Barry has traveled a gazillion miles for work. I remind myself that even if we were living in the same state - he would have been traveling to far away and sometimes exotic places. When he travels to less picturesque locales I don’t feel like I’m missing anything other than my man. Which - you know - is a lot. 

The train is moving.

And it is gaining momentum. We will no longer have dual citizenship in Nebraska and North Carolina. We will be North Carolinians, living “normal” married lives. Please send instructions for how to live normal lives. We will have regular date nights. We will complete projects based on when we WANT to do them and NOT when Barry is in town. I won’t be cleaning the house before Barry comes home for the weekend or week. (a whole nother level of winning.) We will get to have family time with our Sam and Lexie - cause they are also local! We get to build a new life, again. We will get to travel. Often. Together. First stop: Denver! To spend time with Shawn and Mamie. We will also encourage visits FROM Denver TO Kernersville. We get to hang with friends and be together for birthdays, anniversaries, births and deaths. Life. We won’t be missing each other for half of our life.

That train will make it’s way from Omaha where we will collect and load most of the furniture and odds and ends that Barry had for his semi-normal life in Omaha. He has already moved 80% of our belongings via uhaul trailer and truck over the last 42 months by himself.

The Omaha house is now on the market SOLD!

SOLD

I am starting to believe this train is for real. Legit. A sure thing. This life we’ve dreamed and talked about, planned and negotiated for is happening. Barry knows it’s for real. No doubt. This move is front and center with hardly any room for any other thoughts. He is making the monumental change that I went through in 2021. And here we go.

Barry has scheduled the damn train and got it moving.

Barry is the one who made sure the house was ready to sell.

Barry is the one who got a face full of water when repairing a faulty valve on the shower.

Barry is the one who weeded the flower beds, installed a new stove and microwave, painted the bathroom and office and shampooed the carpet.

Barry is the one who had to problem-solve a water leak from the A/C in the attic which resulted in minor flooding while the home inspector and buyers were IN THE HOUSE.

Barry is the one who battled airline schedules, glitches, delays, cancelations that included one glorious night sleeping under the seats at gate C4 in Detroit, middle seats, 3:00AM wakeups, 1:00AM arrivals, airports, and airport people (no offense to any airport people who are not professional elite platinum diamond status flyers.)

And he did all those things.

No biggie.

The utmostest (yeah I made that word up) and most important nugget of info is: 

Barry will be living in NC full time within a month.

Huge.

Ginormous.

Long-time-coming news.

We are so damn lucky.

I’ll be over the moon to have him home for good. Of course there will be an adjustment period - we call it the grievance period. 82 trips home equals 82 grievance periods. I look forward to this final one.

We have always been a killer team and I know this next chapter is going to be fandamntastic.

So stand the hell by for celebrations, podcasts, camping trips, gatherings, renovations, and a solid plan for world domination.

*All stats based on the wagon train departing for North Carolina from Nebraska on August 28th, 2024 - Barry’s 56th birthday.

Thanks for being here. See you on the other side - at the train station!