Extremely Under-qualified

for this position - not even sure what the position actually is

The house is an absolute wreck. Seriously. The shop ain’t much better. I think I broke the Dyson. I wanted to redo my office and started strong - ambitiously - but it quickly fell into major disrepair. There appears to have been a struggle.
Reminding myself - I am a shiny girl.

I know systems and routines are beneficial. They sound very adult and result in productivity and progress. But I eventually get to a point where I stop, stomp my foot like a toddler, and take a hard right turn into something else. Anything else. I don’t want to figure out how to organize all this stuff, or eat a damn salad, or wash dishes, or mow, or weed-eat (oh how I loathe that weed-wacker) or do something about those weeds growing out of the gutter on the shop. And I don’t want to vacuum the newest subdivision of spiders living their best lives in the sunroom. Or mop.

BUT I LOVE HOW IT LOOKS WHEN I DO.
And it feels good.
I feel accomplished, productive and like a real-live, no-shit, functioning adult.
A grown-up.

But the resistance is strong.
Sometimes it shows up and whispers in my ear “girl, you have no idea what you are doing and furthermore - what you are doing isn’t enough!”

So here’s an antidote. My inventory of accomplishments.

I got some mowing done.
I did more experimenting with botanical dyes on fabric. GLORIOUSNESS! I took good care of the goats, cats and horse. ❤️ All the animals including myself are healthy. No cats escaped or moved into the house. I showered, brushed my teeth, and used my retainers at night. I did laundry, including my sheets. Nothing is put away but it’s clean. I had a meeting with Shellie and Kiley. That was awesome and energizing. 🫖 I worked on plans for world peace. And the Goat Beauty Pageant Rodeo. 🐐👑 I helped Mom with her new phone. I took pictures of goats, cats, our horse, flowers and morning fog. And I’m fixing to manically clean, arrange, hang empty picture frames on the office wall, stuff what’s left back in drawers and storage tubs, iron scarves, feed and medicate critters and make a smoothie for breakfast - before 11:00 AM.

That’s a damn fine inventory and yet another ambitious plan.

When Barry gets home, there will still be a few remnants of chaos but that’s just me. He wouldn’t know what to think if everything were perfectly placed - squared away.

All this rigmarole gets me wondering - who is qualified? Where is the job summary? There’s nobody. There’s no summary. We are all winging it. Trying our best. And we are all walking each other home (according to Ram Dass). Maybe the real job is remembering we don’t have all the answers and everyone is figuring out their own way of showing up.

So we’ve got to give ourselves some grace - as well as our neighbor. Yes there are daily, weekly, monthly and yearly requirements, procedures, formulas, methods, processes and strategies. And there is always room for improvement.

Here’s what I’m using to remind myself who I am and what is important:

I (all of us) have my own way of doing things. Or not doing things. I am the boss of me. I’m living some main character shit - every day. What is good, desirable and worth striving for? Always be surrounded by love - do this for yourself actively. It could look like -

• eating a green bean instead of a french fry

• taking a 20 minute or 2 hour walk

• focusing on something you love doing that isn’t plugged in

• tilting your face up - looking at the sky and the clouds rolling by

• showing up - and we get to decide what that looks like
  
  That’s my definition of surrounding myself with love - pretty simple.

Buckets of love coming at you right this minute - regardless of the state of your kitchen or what is growing out of your gutters.

Thanks for being here.